“Is this it?”

 My days run together between the hum of the copy machine and the clicking of the keyboard. I think I’m starting to understand why all of a sudden “adult” has started to be used as a verb. Don’t get me wrong, deep down I am so grateful for this job and it took a while to find it after graduation and I prayed for a full time job where I was surrounded by good people, and that prayer was answered. But I’m starting to wonder if that’s really enough-just to have a full time job with nice people who greet me in passing. The days get long when I’m staring at a computer all day entering in numbers, walking to and from the copy machine, and kindly telling the sales person over the phone that “I’m sorry we’re not interested” about ten times a day. Yes I’m thankful, but I keep finding myself wondering “Is this it?” “Is this my life up until we have babies?” Lacking of any chase after my passions because it doesn’t seem like I ever have enough time.
I had the meltdown with Sam this past Monday. I told him how I was beginning to wonder if I had done college all wrong and if instead of choosing Spanish just to get the four year degree if I should’ve really dug deep and chosen a degree that I knew would lead to a career I loved. But I’ve never had a dream job other than being a mom so is my life just going to be a monotonous day after day office job up until then? I’ve wanted to pull one of my coworkers aside and ask if they feel the same way I do every morning wondering if this is it. Do they fall asleep after a day of work and start dreaming about the things they could do with their life if they fully gave in to the things that make their eyes light up with passion, and then wake up and wish that dream came true? Or am I the only one? I can’t be the only one in this huge office.

Within my morning routine at work my favorite thing to do is open the blinds. It’s one of the peaceful moments of my day where I can let the sun in through each big window and just have some time by myself. Yesterday when I was lifting the blinds I was thinking in my head again “Is this it?” When the light came through the window the thought came in my head that “no this is not it.” I knew God was trying to get my attention and I had to stop and breathe deep because all this time I had forgotten that as a Christian on this earth we are constantly being prepared for a greater glory (Romans 8:18). I’m sure many Christians have asked their self the question, “is this it?” and thinking “There has to be more than this.” God planted that feeling in our hearts, the desire for things outside of this world.

“If we find ourselves with a desire that nothing in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that we were made for another world.”

                                                                                    -C.S. Lewis

God is preparing us for that future glory right now. He is using me, and you, in the most ordinary and sometimes extraordinary ways. So how do I bring that silent peacefulness and reassurance with me into my normal work day knowing that I am so much more than the secretary? I am a child of God. I will pray over the mail I send out and ask that every pair of hands that touches the envelope would feel Jesus and find joy in the little things. I will make sure to tell every sales rep that calls to “have a nice day”, I will send up prayers for my coworkers, and every day I walk into the office I will thank Jesus for providing this job for Sam and I.

God answered my question of “Is this it?” by reminding me that because He has chosen me and designed my heart to desire Him-there is no such thing as a life of monotony because since the moment I was created I have been being prepared for a future glory. I am being prepared for the kingdom. So even though my day job may feel lifeless at times and the sound of the copy machine has made me want to cringe-my life does not revolve around this office. My life revolves around the God of the universe- and that is what makes my life extraordinary and thriving with passion, because I am passionate about my God. For all of my friends about to graduate High School or College-I hope that resonates in your mind that you are not defined by your grades, what club you’re in, or even what job you have. We are not defined by earthly things- we are defined by our Creator. We were fearfully and wonderfully made by Him and nothing we do could make Him love us any less. So when “adulting” gets the best of you-remind yourself that God has chosen you for the kingdom and you are being prepared for it every day. Foreshadows of heaven are everywhere.

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2 thoughts on ““Is this it?”

  1. I often wondered the same thing. I realized later that I was where God wanted me to be at the time. You may be a true blessing to someone at your job who needs you as a friend. There may be someone there that you need in your life that will be a blessing to you. Time will tell but there is a reason. There is more. LOVE YOU!

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  2. Hi Sarah, first things first….you are an exceptional writer, so I have an inkling that somewhere along your path your writing is going to take you places. As for this “is this it?”….you will have this thought MANY times in your life. One day, when you have a screaming toddler, a fourth grader you practically have to sit on to do homework, or a teenager that you wait up nights for to make sure they are home safe, you will again ask…”is this it? You could ask yourself that question every day for the rest of your life. I’m 48, my kids are grown, and I ask myself this often. And I have started to answer it – “yes…this is it, and it’s wonderful”. I’m not a religious person by any means, but I stopped “yearning” for the next best thing long ago, and started to appreciate more of each day and what it had to offer. As for the people….think of yourself as an elevator. As you go up in life, people with get on and off your elevator. Some will stay on for most of the journey (siblings), some will stay one for a very long time (friends), and some get on and off quickly (co workers). It’s your job to learn something from each and every person that gets on, and when they get off, they should feel comfortable having been on the ride with you, with no harm or hurt feelings with them to drag off. That’s just how I try to float through my life. Much love to you sweet Sarah! Love Audra

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