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Today is my birthday. My birthdays are always really special to me. For the obvious reasons I love getting to celebrate with all of my family and friends, getting all dressed up, receiving gifts, and eating too much cake. Yes, I love my birthday for those reasons but personally it’s a much deeper celebration for me. I can very easily remember the days when I wished I hadn’t even been born, or thought about ending my life myself. When my depression started in 7th grade I was absolutely terrified of the unknown of the future. I was so afraid of living that dying seemed to me to be an option to end my constant fear and overwhelming sadness. Days dragged by and I would think to myself “I’m not going to make it to High School graduation”, “I’ll never get married”, “I’ll never have kids.” I was basically doubting that I would make it to big milestones in my life because I didn’t think I could deal with depression that long. But slowly over time the depression started to lose its strength. I started to realize with the encouraging words and presence of my family and friends that I really was alive for a reason. I started paying attention in church and listening to God’s promises because I was tired of the world and wanted something deeper and stronger to believe in. As I grew up and out of those dark places I began to to grow a relationship with Jesus. Jesus became my reason to live because I knew that He had created me for His glory. I felt a lot less pressure when I realized my life was not my own and that He had already written my story. So my fear of the future became less scary because I knew God was holding my future in His hands.

“For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.” ‭‭Jeremiah‬ ‭29:11‬ ‭

So on my birthday I think about the dark days when I was terrified of being alive but now I’ve made it another year. I have graduated High Scool and College and have married the man of my dreams. Milestones I never thought I would make it to. All because Jesus chose me. My depression made me realize the amazing gift that life is and helped me to fully trust, believe and love the Man who created me. Jesus raised me from my own personal grave and gave me a reason to live. So on my birthdays I celebrate not giving up, I celebrate Jesus carrying me through life when I was too weak. I remind myself that there are so many milestones left to experience and goals I am still trying to achieve. I celebrate being alive.

“If I say, “Surely the darkness shall cover me, and the light about me be night,” even the darkness is not dark to you; the night is bright as the day, for darkness is as light with you. For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well. My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them.”

Psalm 139:11-16 

Intercession


I walked among the giants that once stood tall

Now they are growing white like bones, cracking from the fall

A valley of dry bones, a story waiting to be told

A requiem for the trees that had fallen from their throne

Roots bare, lining the quiet beach

Water timid and still, too overwhelmed to speak

I slowly stepped up on a strong branch to get a better view

And reached my hand up to the sky so blue

Their whole lives they reached up to heaven

So I became the new branch to make the intercession

I’ll reach to Him for you when you’re dry as a bone

I’ll whisper the words to bring you back home

I’ll pour the Living water over your roots

And sing the hymns when you forget the tune

We are the trees reaching up to home

So when one of us falls we won’t leave them alone

I’ll reach up for you because I know your heart wants to

I’ll keep one hand up; the other holding yours

Connecting our branches leading up to the Creator

In the valley of washed up beasts I can still see the image of our Maker

So I’ll stay right here with this tree-I won’t let the devil take her

The voice of God

In the breaking dawn of the morning, I heard the quiet voice of God

“How beautiful” I said

But you couldn’t hear a thing

I tried to explain what I heard

Echo the whisperings of the King

You looked back at me with sad jealous eyes

Because you couldn’t hear a thing

You used to hear it too until the devil caught you off guard

He knocked the wind out of you and threw you down hard

Made you deaf to God’s voice

The sound of Him now just a noise

I want to fix you, hold you and make you new again

But broken hearts cannot be cured by man

Almost a year has gone by and the healing is still so slow

You’ve grown more quiet and your head hangs low

But with every prayer the Great Physician tells me He is mending your heart

He says “This man belongs to me and I am holding him even in the dark,

Trust in me, trust in my time

I will deliver you from the deep because you are a child of mine”

You are chosen, designed and adored by God

And although you can’t see Him, I’ve watched Him stand by your side

He hasn’t left you for a moment, slowly leading you back to the light

Angels are singing you back home

A swan song for sin

Breaking through like the morning sun

Reminding you of the promises of God

You will escape the mouth of the beast and become stronger than before

So fix your eyes on the light coming through the crack in the door

And soon as dusk comes

God’s voice will fill the night and cause my heart to swoon

And finally you will smile, turn to me and say

“I can hear it too”

 

Ode to July


There is something sacred about the song of the crickets that makes me want to fall asleep

The sound of small creatures filling the world deep

The sweeping of their wings is the song of summer

A hymn for July because everyone loves her

The people of the south are recognizing,

The anthem of summer as heat is rising

July is kind, always promising sunshine

She laughs and flowers grow and rain comes just in time

July keeps secrets of our fear of the cold days to come

She whispers for us to believe in ourselves and tells the devil to run

I’ve seen the trees shudder in delight

As they grow lush and vivid and reach their peak of life

July is a symphony, Pumping breath and blood into the world

Heartbeats fast, the moon hung pearled

Hypnotized by the glorious splendor of the performance all around

Surrendering to the baptism of beauty and becoming unbound

July keeps her promises like a good and faithful wife

Blessing us with heat and beauty so that we may be reminded of the wonder of life.