“Why are you doing this to me?”
“I prayed about this so why are you making me hurt more?”
“I haven’t done anything wrong.”
“Don’t you love me?”
I hate to admit that I’ve talked to God like this-my savior and my king. My love. And I think a lot of us have talked to God like this when we become unhappy because it’s easy to point fingers at the Big Man. It’s easy to pray about your worries, and then continue to worry even more, and then blame every negative thing in your life on God. It’s easy to be blind to the blessing of living the life God has chosen for you when the life that you want seems so much easier. Sometimes it’s easy to blame the hatred against brothers and sisters in this world on God, but at the same time God is the easiest explanation of unconditional love in this world. We are driven by our desires and those desires can either lead us to Jesus or send us running in the opposite direction of Him. And it’s when our desires don’t match up with Jesus’ that it seems like he is trying to break our hearts. If anyone has ever told you that the entire reason for the existence of Jesus is to make us happy-that’s a lie. Don’t freak out! Of course Jesus wants us to have joy. The difference between happiness and joy is that joy is constant and does not change regarding the circumstance. And only Jesus can bring that constant joy because He is the only thing that is constant and unchanging. So if you want real, true, unwavering joy; you need a real, true, unwavering God.
So why are we constantly pointing fingers at God when He has always been the same-whether we’ve been on top of the mountain or deep in the valley. Because we are the ones that are changing.
“Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.”
This world can be deceiving. Hate walks around with a mask that says “Love”, and pride walks around with a mask that says “Wisdom.” I wear a mask some days. When it seems like everything is falling apart I put a mask on and grin and bear it because the world doesn’t embrace pain. The world embraces temporary things, selfishness, carelessness, momentary love, and photoshopped beauty. This world keeps updating technology so that we can get answers that we want to hear, and we can get those answers within a few clicks or by simply asking Siri. And before we know it we’re caught up in it. Changing our minds. Changing our hearts. Believing in the world instead of God. So then our hearts crack wide open and they’ve become so fragile because they have been conformed to the world. And we break. No one really sees but we break loud and hard like a fallen oak. Then we point our finger at God and ask “Why did you let me break?”
“”Why do you call me ‘Lord, Lord,’ and not do what I tell you? Everyone who comes to me and hears my words and does them, I will show you what he is like: he is like a man building a house, who dug deep and laid the foundation on the rock. And when a flood arose, the stream broke against that house and could not shake it, because it had been well built. But the one who hears and does not do them is like a man who built a house on the ground without a foundation. When the stream broke against it, immediately it fell, and the ruin of that house was great.””
Somehow we started to put our hope in the world and not in God. The world is sand, always moving, changing, and never strong enough for our aching hearts. But the Man who made our hearts has all the strength and capacity to keep us from being broken by the flood. And with every confusing thought, unanswered prayer and long winded battle-we cannot fight it with the same weapons of this world. The world tells us we can handle it, but I’ve tried that a million times and I am nothing without Jesus. God never changes no matter what battle you’re fighting. And He has already won the ultimate battle. My heart broke for something I’ve been praying about for a long time. And I’ve been trying to be God’s little soldier and wedge my way in to try to answer my own prayer and it left me broken and hurt. But it also reminded me that I am only human and I cannot change hearts but God can. Sometimes it takes a broken heart to remind us that we’re not in charge-God is.