“In the background, in the back of the line, is often times the most desirable place to be because you can see the beauty of things that the people in the front of the line will miss”
I’ve been worried that I haven’t been serving God as much as I should lately. Haven’t we all been afraid of this in our walk with Christ? Thinking through the things we’re doing right and the things we’re doing wrong. All the chances we’ve taken and not taken to glorify God and every time we choose to miss an opportunity to glorify and serve God we’re secretly afraid He is shaking His head at us. I’ve had those thoughts a hundred too many times. It makes me question if I really am an “all-in” Christian like I want to be.
These thoughts of being fully committed to God have been running around my head like a wolf hunting for it’s prey. And I tell myself these thoughts could mean one of two things-either the devil is trying to attack or God is giving me these thoughts to show me something new. I love God with all my heart and I know the countless things He has saved me from, but I’ve been feeling inadequate and like I’m not doing enough for Him. I am still learning the art of balance between a full time job and home life. When you work forty hours a week and add in an extra hour and a half every day for your commute it feels pretty difficult to actually have a life. Can I get an Amen? And it feels pretty difficult to put your faith into action and be the hands and feet of Jesus. I hear about people serving at church, in different countries, in the streets of Atlanta, and even in our local communities and I think to myself “I wish I had time to do that.” Don’t get me wrong, I do make time to do those things but if I said yes to every opportunity to serve then I would be lacking in the way I serve at home. For example-As a wife I believe doing the laundry and the dishes are ways I serve my little family. And I believe making time to exercise is also a way for me to serve God by taking care of the body He gave me. So I make time for those things as well. But I still don’t feel like I’m doing enough. I’ve asked Him to remind me who I am. Remind me of the woman you designed me to be. Help me to know if I’m all in or if I’m only living half-way for you. Help me to not beat myself up for not going to Wednesday night church because that is the only time during the week that I can have my solitude. Jesus please speak to my heart. What if we really aren’t head over heels for Jesus and the life we thought reflected Christ only reflects half of his heart and the other half is reflecting the world?
The song “Background” by Lecrae came to my mind when I started thinking about how right now in my life God seems to want me to step back and let Him take the lead. The song talks about instead of us trying take control of our lives and be in the limelight, to step back and let God run the show. I don’t have to be front and center at every service opportunity to show my devotion to God. I think He wants to remind me that my vow to Him can take action in different ways. “Action” can be taken by simply adoring God and glorifying Him in your thoughts and prayers. Action can be taken by simply sitting at His feet.
“Now as they went on their way, Jesus entered a village. And a woman named Martha welcomed him into her house. And she had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feet and listened to his teaching. But Martha was distracted with much serving. And she went up to him and said, “Lord, do you not care that my sister has left me to serve alone? Tell her then to help me.” But the Lord answered her, “Martha, Martha, you are anxious and troubled about many things, but one thing is necessary. Mary has chosen the good portion, which will not be taken away from her.””
I know Jesus walks us into different seasons in our lives so that we can experience Him in different ways. And for me right now, and probably a lot of us who are struggling with the balance of time, Jesus wants us to remember to slow down and just sit at His feet like Mary. We can play the Background and be the ones who take action behind the scenes. God needs the people who sit and pray just as much as He needs the people who go and serve. So for the times when you can’t be the one who can say yes to an opportunity to pour into others, sit at the feet of Jesus and let Him pour into you. You can be “all-in” by simply stepping back and preparing your heart for God to reveal His glory to you in the background.